I'm Just Sayin'

Chatty Yoga

2007-06-30T19:24:00.000-05:00

I recently took up yoga again. I've been having some health issues and needed a low-impact, stress-killing form of exercise that wouldn't be that hard to pick up. I've done yoga on and off for a while, but recommitted to it again and I've found that with the CI - I can actually hear the tapes/DVDs that I use, and being able to hear (not all of what is being said, but enough so that I can follow along without constantly looking at the TV) the DVDs has been both a blessing and a curse.

I tend to like doing exercise on my own time so organized classes aren't really my thing, although I have taken a yoga class before and found it fun (even if I couldn't really follow along at the time because that was pre-CI) because it was a very easy, beginner's class and the teacher was very understanding and helped me with the positioning.

The positioning's easy in yoga.. .the breathing's the hard thing. Now this is where the blessing and curse comes in. It's a blessing to know how to breathe and what to do (like breathing from your diaphram or how to do breathing exercises to strengthen your lungs), but it's also a curse because there is a lot of talking that is unnecessary and in my opinion, counterproductive. A LOT. At least that's what I've found. Maybe I need some other DVDs but the ones I use. . .the biggest problem is that the instructor won't SHUT UP.

One DVD in particular - not gonna name names - is non-stop talking almost. And while I find the instructor's voice very soothing in that it's in the pitch range I find comfortable - I DON'T find it soothing to have her talk constantly throughout an exercise program. Whatever happened to serenity in silence?

One exercise was to 'let go of the day' and the end of the exercise has you in a splayed position on the floor and just focusing on your breathing and the first time I did it, I got annoyed, which I'm sure wasn't the goal. But the instructor would not stop talking. It was 'notice this. . .' and 'notice that. . ' and then 'breathe in. . .' and then 'as you breathe out. . .' and on and on and on to the point where I'm thinking 'How are we supposed to relax if you're blathering on?' instead of focusing on, you guessed it. . .my breathing. The next time I did the exercise, I muted it, which of course, made it challenging in that the beginning and middle part of the exercise does require some listening to transition from pose to pose. Although I think I've gotten to the point where I know when to mute it so that I can cut down on the unnecessary yakkity-yak part of it.

But you try being relaxed in a yoga pose while trying to figure out when to snatch the remote to mute it.

So I'm on the hunt for a. . .quieter yoga progam. If anyone has any suggestions, send 'em my way!

Oh and if anyone knows any tricks on how to keep your CI from falling off when you're in those inverted positions, I'm also looking for tips on that. It's not too problematic because I find that if I use my smaller batteries (which I tend to do now that they last 12-14 hours with the Harmony processor) the CI can fit more snugly behind my ear but there have been times when the thing with just go flying off my head if I go into a pose too quickly.

But upside? At least I won't be able to hear the constant chatter.

Shiny and New

2007-06-18T12:59:00.000-05:00

So. . .here I am with another update and a new look for the blog. I was getting tired of the orange and in the spirit of summer. . .we're going green! You like? :)

Anyway, it's been about 2 weeks since I got my Harmony programmed and . . . I like it.

There are some noticeable differences but nothing major. I guess my 'crossover' has been easy because my audiologist had told me that some of her clients really had trouble adjusting to the Harmony. For me, the first day, I had to get used to hearing more high pitched sounds which can be extremely uncomfortable at times (for instance, paper crinkling drove me nuts!) but it was nothing that made me want to go back to the Auria. After that first day, things went pretty smoothly.

I would say that the one thing that I've really had to get used to with the new processor is hearing sounds that I hadn't heard before which, at times, can be extremely distracting because it's hard for me to not only locate the sound (because I'm only implanted in one ear, everything sounds like it's coming from my right, implanted side) but to discern what the sound is. For instance, there was this really loud creaking sound that I would hear while I'm in my bedroom. It would come in intermittent 'bursts' and sounded like it was coming from the roof. I tried and tried and tried to figure out what and where that sound was coming from to the point of distraction only to find out later that it was the neighbor's aging A/C. The creaking was the rusting metal grinding against itself and the intermittent bursts was when the A/C would power up and down.

Oddly, now that I know what the sound is, I can tune it out a little more easily.

So yes, I've been going back to bugging those near and dear to me with those 'what is that sound?!' questions. I'm sure they're loving it.

I do notice that with the Harmony, speech sounds a little. . .clearer at times. Maybe that can also be attributed with having the implant for more than a year and knowing how to use it but either way, communication continues to be easier than it was before when I was just lipreading and/or signing/lipreading.

As for music. . . .well, I've never been a big music fan, even when I was hearing with my own non-bionic ears. I've never been one to sit in a room and listen to CD's (or tapes as was the case when I was a teen) or the radio. I was never big on going to concerts or the like. So I can't really say that there's more music 'appreciation' with the Harmony. Can I tell a good singer from a bad one now? Not really. If someone's singing in the higher octaves, it all sounds very screechy to me still but I can pick out some melodies at times. But ironically enough, I can't pick up harmonies. :)

So that's the skinny on the Harmony. I will probably go back for minor adjustments in about a month's time. But all in all, it's just about finding a comfortable hearing level that does what I need/want it to do, while minimizing what I don't want it to do.

Modern technology's all about the delicate balances. . . .

Alive. . .and Reasonably Well

2007-05-12T19:48:00.000-05:00

Yes, I'm alive.

It's been a crazy, crazy period since my last update. Some of it good, some of it not so good. Let's just skip over the not-so-good. I mean really. . .raise your hand if you want to hear my sob story. It's not that interesting.

The good. . .

(1) Went in for a mapping last month and literally the day before I go in, I get a letter from Advanced Bionics stating that I'm qualified to get their new Harmony processor for free if I send them back my back-up Auria Hi-Res (as long as it's unopened - which it is!).

(2) Mapping went well. We are merely fine-tuning these days and trying to 'flatten' my audiogram, meaning trying to let me hear and discern the higher/lower pitched sounds. I'm picking up more high-pitched sounds which can be uncomfortable at times. Like when my 1 year old niece screams? Ye-ow!

(3) Had a little incident with my CI before my check-up and again, talk about good timing. My CI started turning itself on and off. It kind of felt like the battery had expired and I needed a fresh one. The first time it happened, I really thought my battery had to be changed but then it kept happening and since my average battery life is about 10 hours, I just knew it wasn't that. Turned out, the wire connecting the headpiece to the implant that's actually implanted in my head was loose so whenever I moved or the wind or whatever. . .it would shut off, then shift back and turn itself on. Thankfully, my audiologist picked up on this right away and she ordered a new headpiece and that problem's solved.

(4) I got to 'test drive' the new Harmony processor. My audiologist had one and let me use it to see what it'd be like and honestly, I've heard some things about it so maybe I was expecting more. Or perhaps within the audiologically controlled confines of the audiologist's office, I didn't (or couldn't) pick up much. Yes, the sound quality is noticeably different. I guess I'd describe it as. . .more sensitive. For instance, right away, I could hear my audiologist tapping the mouse pad of her laptop and I couldn't pick that up before. But it's not a significant difference to me. It was not a 'Wow!' moment or anything. I noticed the difference in sound quality but it wasn't a huge difference. Nevertheless, the Harmony has some features that I do want to take advantage of - namely a built-in T-coil and twice the battery life - and hey, it's a free upgrade. When do you ever get a free upgrade. I mailed in my Auria last week so the Harmony should be in my hands sometime within the next 2 weeks and then I have to go in and get that programmed so stay tuned!

(5) Got a Crackber-. . .um I mean a Blackberry. I finally made the leap and traded in my Sidekick for a Blackberry after a lot of research and bugging people and let me tell you. . .that thing is like crack. I love, love, love the e-mail feature. On my Sidekick, every time I wanted to check e-mail, I'd have to log in and sometime, AOL (or the Sidekick) wouldn't let me. On the Blackberry, you program in your e-mail accounts (up to 10) and everytime you get an e-mail at those accounts, it goes straight to your Messages inbox. Love it! And the phone quality on the Blackberry is great because I can adjust the volume with a simple turn of the wheel. I've been using it quite often (to the point where I'm considering just buying a phone plan because paying by the minute is not making financial sense) to make short calls. I'm still not calling people up to chat and still using e-mail and IMs primarily but if I need to call someone and tell them I'm gonna be late or if I need to ask someone for a ride. . .that option now exists.

And that's the latest. Hopefully I'll be more diligent about updating this thing once I get the Harmony and try it out. I'm kinda curious to see if it'll really be that different once I'm not in my audiologist's office anymore.

Oh and yes, I'm still watching American Idol. Sort of. And still not quite 'getting' the good music/singers with the bad ones. I was rooting for Sanjaya - only because I wanted to see if Sinon's head would explode had the kid won it all. I'm contrary like that. :)

The World's All Askew

2007-01-20T20:45:00.000-05:00

As I suspected, watching 'American Idol' with the CI was indeed interesting.

I think when it comes to music, my CI is on 'backwards.' You remember in high school (and dear Lord, I hope I'm not dating myself badly when I mention this) where you had 'spirit week' with each day being a 'special theme' day like 'School Colors' or 'PJ Day' (LOVED those days - talk about rolling straight out of bed and onto the bus) and you dressed accordingly? Well, my school would sometimes have 'Backwards Day' where you wore your clothes backwards. Or 'Opposites Day' where guys dressed as girls and vice versa?

That's kinda like what I felt watching 'American Idol' - that up was down and black was white,, and things were all backwards. It was a little weird.

For one thing - the allegedly bad singers. . .didn't sound that bad to me. There were times when I was on my computer and wasn't looking at the screen to see the captions say things like 'off-key' or 'warbling' or things like that to clue me in on the fact that they were the 'bad singers' and I would just listen and think. . .'Hey, that didn't sound too bad.'

Imagine my surprise when the judges then ripped into them!

And yes, the opposite is also true. The 'good singers' didn't sound that good to me. Some I thought the judges would hate only to have them say the person was great! Some literally made me cringe by hitting those high notes.

I also realized that I cannot hear tone with this CI. I'm absolutely tone deaf. When the judges talked about how this singer or that singer had a great 'tone' I had no clue what they were talking about. Or if the singer's voice had a unique quality to it? Nothing. I also can't tell if someone's singing on-key or not.

I basically hear pitches. And from there, it's simple. High pitch = bad, uncomfortable. Low pitch = sounds good to my CI.

Will that change? I have no idea. I'm due for a mapping soon so I'll bring it up with my audiologist but again, some people can hear and enjoy music with their CIs and some just can't. I seem to fall into the later category.

That's not to say I can't watch 'AI' because the music is only half the draw of that show. Although, honestly, I don't watch it straight through. I watch the early auditions and then tune in every so often until it gets down to the wire. And I've never voted. :)

But I did realize something from watching 'AI' - my CI can pick up accents. Simon didn't bother me that much - even at his rudest - because his accent sounds oh-so-nice with my CI. And today, I watched parts of 'The Patriot' and Mel Gibson, who I'm no fan of given his recent behavior, has a really lovely voice.

See? With the CI, my world's all askew. I like listening to bad singers and people getting insulted!

Looking Good

2007-01-15T22:29:00.000-05:00

Here I am, watching the Golden Globes (nothing else is on if you don't watch '24' and I don't) and man, can these speeches be long-winded. I liked the Oscars where you get 90 seconds or the band strikes up and plays you off stage. When you're thanking your 5th grade drama teacher, you've officially worn out your welcome on the stage.

Quick fashion review -

Best Dressed - Drew Barrymore, Eva Longoria, Ali Larter (from my new favorite show this year - 'Heroes')

Worst Dressed - Vanessa Williams, Beyonce (gold foil is not a good color) and Sienna Miller (what is up with the hair?!)

Anyway, I didn't update this blog just to wax randomly on a Hollywood awards show and the title actually has nothing to do with the Golden Globes.

I had a check-up with my surgeon today and that's what he said looking over my CI.

Things are looking good.

There hasn't been any significant changes in my hearing. One-on-one conversations are easier, group convos are less so. Noisy environments still bother me. The telephone and TV still vexes me. And music is still bothersome.

I have heard of CI users really enjoying music with their CI - using iPods and MP3's. I'm not one of those people. I don't know if I ever will be but I wasn't a big music fan even when I could hear with my own, 'non-robotic' ears. So, I don't feel like I'm missing anything. Honestly, based on my holiday movie reviews - it's safe to say that I often think not hearing some music is better!

Although one 'music' I am curious to 'hear' is the bad auditions on 'American Idol' - set to premiere Tuesday, Jan. 16th. Ive always wondered just how bad it sounds although if Julie Andrews' singing voice bothers me, I have to wonder if it's really. . .wise for me to listen to the antithesis of Julie Andrews.

Curiosity did kill the cat right?

Last Post. . .

2006-12-24T18:11:00.000-05:00

. . .before the New Year!

I know. I know. Been neglecting this. Mea culpa. But honestly. . .is anyone still reading this? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

Anyway, since the presents are wrapped and I'm basically just killing time by watching the standard holiday (read: chessy) movies, I thought I should come on here and post a greeting to everyone.

Notice the new look of the blog. That's what boredom inspires in me. Scary, hmm?

Speaking of holiday movies. . .you know how they always roll out the same ones, year after year? Well, this year, it's a little different because I could actually hear those movies - well, kinda. I could even hear some of the music and. . .

Let's just say, I don't think I was missing much.

I also DO remember what music sounded like and with this CI, it's not quite how I remember.

Behold. . .

Holiday Movie #1

'The Wizard of Oz' - why they roll this out during the holidays, I'm not sure but I don't judge (I merely question and that's different matter entirely!).

Liked: 'We're Off To See the Wizard' - sounds very close to how I remember it and it's in a tonal range that's not uncomfortable for me (the higher pitch a note/song is, the more uncomfortable it is for me)

Sounded Weird: 'Somewhere Over The Rainbow' - especially the high notes. They sound very, very screechy to me. Not at all like I remembered.

Disliked: The Wicked Witch's voice - very, very screechy. Also the sound those flying monkeys make. And it goes without saying - the munchkins. Yes, I said it. I hate the munchkins. Even when I couldn't hear their freakishly high pitched voices, I wasn't a fan. They're freaky, scary looking. Admit it.

Holiday Movie #2 '

The Sound of Music' - I loved this musical. I performed in this musical in school. It is a sentimental favorite.

Liked: Captain Von Trapp's nice, deep singing voice. 'Edelweiss' (his solo at least) was nice. Didn't quite catch all of it but I could catch enough to have it 'sound familiar.'

Sounded Weird: The kids. They all sounded the same. That's not how I remember it, but maybe I'm wrong?

Disliked: I'm about to commit blasphemy here I think but - every time Julie Andrews sang. She sings at such a high pitch that it sounds like cat screeching to me. I had to change the channel during her renedition of 'My Favorite Things' because when you combine her voice with the kids' strange sounding ones - it was all just too much.

Holiday Movie #3

Actually, it's not really a holiday movie per se but it gets rolled out once a year on cable and network television ever since it made a bajillion dollars - 'Titanic'

Liked: Billy Zane's wacky, over-the-top portrayal. His voice is also very pleasant sounding to my CI. Also liked Victor Garber - I was a big fan of 'Alias' (OK, S3 not so much) and seeing 'SpyDaddy' in other roles is always cool.

Sounded Weird: Leo DiCaprio's voice. I thought it'd be deeper and there were times when Kate Winslet's voice seemed to be at a lower range than his. Go figure.

Disliked: That Celine Dion song. I know it was a big, big hit and I really wanted to hear what it sounded like and it sounded like a cat screeching. . .because it was being tortured. It was not pleasant to say the least.

So there you have it. My holiday movies 'review.' :)

Anyway, I wanted to wish you all a safe, happy and fun holidays. I hope the new year brings you many blessings and much joy!

Til then. . .

The Play - In Pictures, Conclusion

2006-10-17T14:43:00.000-05:00

Scroll to the beginning of the 'The Play - In Pictures' post. . .2 posts down. . .this is the ending. . .you don't want to ruin it for yourself do you?

Anyway. . .we pick up from surprising Mama. And we get our happy ending. .

And here's a shot of the kids watching the play. . .

That's all folks! :-)

The Play - In Pictures, Continued

2006-10-17T14:18:00.000-05:00

They proceed to each build their own houses for Mama (while rapping!)

Now comes the moment of truth. . .inspection time with Inspector M. Wolfson. First up is Baby's hay house. . .

And Baby's house fails inspection!

Next up is Junior's wood house. . .

Unfortunately, we'll be seeing a lot of this notice. . .

Eldon decides to use a different tactic. . .begging!

Mama comes home to quite a mess. . .

After seeing Mama's disappointment in them, the Pigtons realize the errors of their ways and decide to finally work together. Huddle up!

Surprising Mama with her new house. . .

The Play - In Pictures

2006-10-17T13:40:00.000-05:00

So I promised my next post would have pictures and I'm a woman of my word. So here's my play. . .in pictures. Not sure if anyone cares anymore (is anyone even reading this thing anymore?) but for those still sticking with me to the bitter end. . .

Some pictures might be a little blurry because the actors are moving around on stage and/or I suck at photography. :-) I might have to divide this into multiple posts to keep the length manageable.

We open on. . .a little hamlet. . .

Meet the Pigtons. . .the oldest brother, Eldon, and middle sister, Junior. . .

And the youngest Pigton, Baby. . .who's already irritating his big brother. . .

They're all together today, waiting for their Mama. . .

Who has a very special request for all of them. . . .build her a new house!

Don't forget to have the house pass inspection, children!

Eldon proceeds to take charge. . .which does not go over well with his siblings. . .

They decide they'll go their separate ways. . .and each build Mama a house.

To be continued. . .

Just A Quickie

2006-10-03T17:29:00.000-05:00

Yes, so I've been woefully neglectful of my blog.

But there has been much business to attend to, and I do like my sleep so when it comes to doing things that cut into my sleep time, those things tend to take a backseat unless it's a life and death thing. :)

Anyway, one of the business I'm attending to is I landed another writing gig. Yeah, the new play is still 'in development' (how come no one's sending in ideas?). I'm recapping episodes of 'The Amazing Race' for About.com and you can find the first 3 recaps here:

Http://realitytv.about.com

Just find the section for The Amazing Race and look for the recaps, Obviously that's not my picture at the top of the page but just look a little further down and you'll see my byline. I didn't do the links or formatting (or ads) but everything else in the recap is mine.

Next update will have pictures! :)

Plea for Help

2006-09-11T14:11:00.000-05:00

I know I 'jokingly' mentioned this a couple of months ago in my blog but this time it's not so jokingly.

But I need ideas guys!

My deadline to write the second children's play is fast approaching and I'm coming up with nothing. Actually, no, that's not entirely true. I'm coming up with Cinderella, which is a wonderful fairy tale but it's not exactly geared towards kids in the Detroit public school system, which is my target audience, and any good writer knows thatyou must write for your audience.

So, I'm asking those who are reading this blog to send in their favorite childhood stories or fairy tales. I think I just need ideas so I can get my creativity flowing. Apparently my muse is on strike or something because I'm getting nothing.

I did something like this on a deaf attorneys site I belong to (www.deafattorneys.com) and it was a lot of fun to recall the tales you used to read as a kid. I ultimately didn't use any of the books discussed but just having that discussion really got me thinking. I'm hoping something similar happens here, and that my muse decides to get her butt in gear!

So please. . .send in those favorite childhood stories! Or book recommendations! Anything! :)

A Dose of Reality

2006-08-31T20:45:00.000-05:00

Reading over my blog, I feel the need to clarify something. While I’ve come a long way with the CI, there is still a ways to go even though I’ve technically finished rehab. If you think of rehab as getting you on the road again (like if you broke your leg and had to learn how to walk again with the adjustments they made to your leg), then that’s where I am.

This is not meant to be discouraging for those who are thinking of getting a CI, because honestly my experience has been great, but I wanted to inject some realism in there. For my benefit, too.

Like right now, the TV’s playing and I’m still not picking up the words. I’ve tried and tried and it’s just not happening. I can hear a random word here and there, but to follow along with just listening? Nuh-uh. I NEED the captions. So I’m reminded of what my AR specialist told me about the phone. I may never reach the point where I’ll be able to talk to someone on the phone with ease. I may always have to use a relay operator for calls to people I don’t know, or for long conversations.

Which, as I like to tell myself, is OK. Remembering what my initial expectations for this CI were, I’m more than pleased with where I am. As always, I hope I can acquire more sounds and ‘skills’ but if I never ‘get there’ then that’s fine. Like my example of someone who had broken their leg, maybe they won't ever run as fast again, or they might feel pain in that leg from time to time, but just getting back 'on the road' is something.

Would I like to be able to hear movies? Yes, but if it doesn’t happen, that’s what open captioning is for (and the continuing fight to get them in more theaters). Would I like to just pick up a phone to make a call or even answer a ringing phone (something I still can’t do)? Sure, but if it never happens, I spend a lot of time on my computer and have a handy little phone that allows me to text and e-mail and the world’s actually in my favor with that.

So bottom line, I never expected this CI to be a ‘cure’ (I actually have issues with that word – which I will not go into here). I still see myself as deaf in many ways. This CI has helped me ‘get around’ the world easier in some ways, but I never expected it to be a 'cure-all,' so it’s all good.

Now, after that somewhat depressing ramble, let me give you some ‘good news’ – well that depends on how you look at it – I will continue to post in this blog. I’m just gonna open it up to general ramblings.

Pop culture, politics, the weather, things that bug me, things that amuse me – it’s all fair game. I will, of course, continue to be discreet (you’ll notice I don’t name any names in my blog unless I have to) but if you’re a friend or family member, well –

Consider yourselves warned! :-)

Graduation

2006-08-24T15:15:00.000-05:00

I’m officially done with aural rehabilitation! I’m happy, but kind of sad too. I really liked working with my AR specialist, and while I could have done without the long commute up to Baltimore, my rehab sessions were always fun and enlightening.

I also only have to go in for mapping sessions twice a year now. Although I might be going back up to Baltimore in October since the new processor from Advanced Bionics, called the Harmony, is due out then. Some of the new features sound really interesting – there will be a built-in T-coil for telephone use, the ability to stimulate between the electrodes (for better music recognition and enjoyment) and having much longer battery life. Currently, rechargeable batteries run at 7-8 hours for the small ones and 14-15 hours for the larger ones; with the new processor it will be 14-16 hours and 25 hours respectively. Of course a new processor will mean new mapping and adjustments, but since I’ve been doing so well with the Auria, that’s not too big a concern for me. My audiologist assured me that regression is unlikely. The main thing will be getting used to the new sounds that can be picked up and having your brain adjust to that. But I’m looking forward to seeing how the new processor works.

As for this mapping session – it went remarkably well. In the past few days, I’ve noticed a kind of ‘echo’ effect happening (it’s similar to when you press your hands over your ears and talk – you kind of hear yourself inside your head? That’s generally not how you want yourself to sound!). So what we did was put me back into the hearing booth. We did the standard tone test (beeps and tones at different decibels to test what I’m picking up with the current mapping) and then we did word/sentence recognition.

My tone test showed that I’m able to pick up sounds at the 20-40 decibel range! That’s remarkable considering a mere 4 ½ months ago, I wasn’t picking anything up at the 100 dB range! Some of the higher pitch tones I wasn’t getting and that was what we’d try to map for this time.

My word/sentence recognition was even more remarkable, although at the time, I didn’t think so. What happened was they played an audio recording for me. A man’s voice, at the same dB range, i.e., it wasn’t going to get louder/softer as the test progressed, said words and I’d have to repeat what I heard. In the booth, I thought I was tanking this test horribly. It was hard because the words were so random. Then that same male recorded voice would say sentences, and I’d have to repeat. I thought this was easier since I had contextual cues now (instead of one word given at random, I had a whole sentence to try and decipher sounds that I couldn’t quite pick up). But it was still pretty hard.

Turns out I did very well. The words given were purposely very similar in terms of sounds (meek/meet, shock/shack, fun/fire). If you had to just hear those words, with no context, you’d probably have a hard time. If I was facing a person saying those words, I could probably distinguish because saying ‘shock’ is different than ‘shack’ in terms of how the mouth shapes the word. I got 36% on that but they were also testing me phonetically, i.e. was I getting some sounds correctly? Turns out I got 63% on the phonetic sounds. So when the word was ‘meek’ I would say ‘meet’ which is very close phonetically (off by the ending syllable only). My audiologist told me this was also an indication of pitch and that I wasn’t picking up a lot of the phonetic sounds in the higher pitch ranges.

My sentence recognition? The first group of sentences, which had words that were very different in terms of sound, I got a whopping 96%! The second group, consisting of sentences with words that had similar sounds, I got 84%! That was pretty amazing to hear. As my audiologist pointed out, 4 ½ months ago, they couldn’t even give me a sentence recognition test because I wasn’t going to pick up anything. And here I am now, at 96%!

We did some mapping after that. The mapping consisted of making very minor adjustments. Mostly we were trying to get rid of that ‘echo’ to my voice (it worked, echo-free now!). We also downloaded a telephone program for me to play around with, since I told them I’m still having some issues with the feedback and static. The telephone basically takes away some of the more higher and lower pitches and focuses the sounds more so you’re, hopefully, able to hear better on the phone.

Armed with this nifty new program, I went off to my last rehab session. We focused on testing out my telephone program. Using the phone in my AR specialist’s office, I called my AR specialist (in another room) and we just practiced talking on the phone. First we role-played and pretended I was ordering a pizza. Then we just had a basic conversation (plans for the weekend, how are things going). I used both the speaker phone and the receiver. On the speaker phone, I was in my regular mapping program. On the receiver, I switched over to the telephone program.

I must say, I preferred the speaker phone. Using the receiver made the voice on the phone sound a bit weird. . .it sounded very disembodied. Like it was in a vacuum. I couldn’t hear any other sounds except that voice which was odd to me. I’m sure I’ll get used to it, but for now, it seems unnatural.

But with either, I was following the conversation well. I, of course, need to practice so I’m gonna try to call people more now. I’m just so used to e-mail and text messaging that picking up the phone seems odd to me. But since I have this ‘new power’ I guess I should work on it, huh?

So that’s basically it. It’s been a wild 4 ½ months. I hope things continue to progress but overall, I’m very happy with where I am now. That doesn’t mean I’m going to stop practicing or pushing myself but in terms of functionality, my CI is where I’d like it to be.

Of course, that does present this question. What the heck am I supposed to ramble about on this blog now? :)

Phone Fun Redux

2006-08-14T16:53:00.000-05:00

As you know, the telephone is my last mountain to climb with respect to the CI and my rehab, and I’m happy to report that I’ve been making some progress on that front.

I managed some actual phone conversations with people in the past few days, and today, I successfully navigated a voicemail system without the aid of a relay operator.

One of the people I had a conversation with – well, if by conversation you mean me talking and her laughing – was my law school roommate. As you know if you’ve been following this blog, I like to randomly call people up ‘just to see.’ I fully realize it’s not entirely ‘nice’ of me to surprise people like that but what can I say? I enjoy the reactions too much.

But come on – that’s what this blog is. A WARNING. I pretty much said I was gonna call right? Seriously. You’ve been warned. :)

Now, with my ex-roomie, I actually did warn her. I e-mailed her and told her she was on my ‘phone hit list.’ Sure I didn’t actually call her until a week or so after that e-mail but again, forewarned.

Anyway, I called her up on my best bud’s new cell phone (which, if possible is even better than her other cell phone which I so loved. I totally have cell phone envy where my best bud is concerned) and the conversation pretty much went like this:

Me: Hey! Guess who?
Roomie: I don’t know.
Me: It’s Katie!
Roomie: KAAATTTTIEEE! (Laughs)
Me: How are you?
Roomie: (Laughs)

It was one of the best conversations I’ve ever had on a phone. We were both just laughing and didn’t really say much but I could hear her (most of the time. I was in the car at the time so when we drove between cell phone towers, it would cut out and in) AND I could hear her accent. (She’s gonna insist she doesn’t have an accent – she’s from the south – but she does. YES YOU DO! :) )

I’ve also figured out that if I put my Sidekick II on speaker and jack the volume as high as it will go, I can have a conversation using that. Because I don’t have to hold the phone to my ear when it’s on speaker, it minimizes the static and feedback on the CI. I’ve called my best bud a few times with the Sidekick speaker and we’ve managed short conversations. I also used this feature to plan a get together with my sister-in-law so while I’m not having long, thought-provoking conversations (and honestly, how often do I have those anyway?), I can have short conversations with people I’m familiar with on the phone now.

And, finally, today, I navigated a computerized voicemail system with no problems whatsoever. I had trouble hearing only 1 thing and that was when they asked me to input my birth date. I only heard the word ‘date’ and then the instructions to enter 2 digit day, month and 4 digit year. I just took a guess and entered my birth date and it turned out to be right.

So, there’s been some definite progress, but I have to say, I’m not confident enough to make important calls without the assistance of a relay operator just yet. I’m getting there, which is something I hadn’t considered a mere 4 months ago.

At last. . .

2006-08-14T15:42:00.000-05:00

. . .pictures from the play. Well. . .kinda. :)

I know it's been ages since I updated but I have been having 'connectivity' problems with the Internet. And my little Sidekick II has its limitations.

Anyway, the cable connection seems to be working for the moment so I thought I'd take the opportunity and upload some pictures from my trip to Detroit. Hope you enjoy.

This is me (on the right) with my friend who made the whole 'playwrighting' thing possible. She was also the BEST host when I came to Detroit, letting me stay with her and acting as chauffeur and tour guide. We are on the Riverwalk (I THINK that's the 'official' name) in Detroit which is beautiful. Notice the little spouts of water in the back of us - they randomly shoot up and down. Really cool and fun. :)

Here's a little 'teaser' for the play pictures. Still trying to sort it out so that when I post, I will (hopefully) be able to post the pictures to tell the story. But anyway, here are the 3 'houses' that are built - hay, wood and brick. I can't claim credit for this at all - that's solely the province of the Performance Network's Children Theater's Program and their artistic director. Oh and you can kind of glimpse (in the left corner) the 'wolf' - aka as the housing inspector. :)

Here I am with the FABULOUS actors who performed my play.

Just wanted to share this picture because I like it. :) That's Canada that you see in the background there. That was the 'fun fact' I learned while in Detroit. That Canada is literally just across the river.

Will try for another update about my latest CI adventures next. . . .

Music! Sorta!

2006-07-24T22:31:00.000-05:00

I can recognize music with my CI so that I now know when music's being played. But I can hear the rhythms mostly so if you wanted me to tell you which is a Beethoven concerto and which is a Celine Dion song, I probably couldn’t. I can’t quite pick up the melodies or the nuances that distinguishes music and what makes one song different from another.

But recently I was able to recognize 2 songs by hearing it. The first is ‘Heart and Souls’ as played on a piano. At least I think that’s what it’s called. It’s the duet Tom Hanks plays on that giant floor piano with his boss in the movie Big. I can definitely pick it out and now it’s kinda stuck in my head. I’ve even found myself humming it to my baby niece. Let’s just say she’s not a fan.

And the other song I recognized? ‘Row, row, your boat’ as played in that M&M commercial with the M&Ms on some kind of Viking ship and singing it before they break out into ‘Rock The Boat’ I had the TV on (as per usual) and was not paying attention when it came on and found myself thinking, ‘hey, that’s row, row your boat’ and sure enough. . .

So either I’m starting to be able to distinguish music a little bit, or I’m going to be stuck with only the ability to recognize simple, yet annoyingly catchy, melodies.

Oh and Jennifer’s comment to my last entry made me want to clear something up. I don’t actually HEAR the announcements. What I actually hear is something like this –

‘Squawk! Squawk! [word I recognize] Bzzz! Bzzz! Squawk! Squawk! [some other word I recognize]’

So yeah. . .did I mention they’re annoying?

Plateau

2006-07-17T13:58:00.000-05:00

That’s what I’ve hit with respect to my rehab. My AR specialist doesn’t think there’s much left for me to do with her, especially since rehab sessions are rather controlled. They take place in her nice, quiet, sound-proofed office, which is the ideal listening environment. So not surprisingly, I've become very adept at those listening exercises.

But that is an unrealistic environment because as I’ve mentioned before, the world’s a noisy place. There are always going to be sounds and things to distract you from listening to what you want to listen. But as I’ve mastered what I need to in the ‘ideal environment’ my AR specialist thinks that there’s nothing to stop me from continuing to master things in a ‘real world’ environment.

That is not to say I’ve ‘peaked’ where the CI is concerned. I’ve got further mapping, with one tentatively scheduled for next month so that we can try out a telephone program to see if that will help me with the phones, as I’m not quite at the level where I can comfortably talk on a phone – cellular or otherwise. And there’s going to be a new processor coming out from AB in the next few months, which will allow some other mapping/programming options that could further help me with respect to being able to hear better.

So I’m not quite ‘done.’ I don’t think I’ll ever be ‘done’ but I’ve reached a point where the process is not going to be so extensive.

And I still have 'homework.' In an attempt to get me to hear 'recorded' voices better (TV, radio, phone), I'm supposed to try and watch programs without captions to see if I can pick things up. Obviously those programs will be recorded so that I can actually check to see if I'm hearing things right. So it looks like I'll be hitting my local Blockbuster more often.

In the 'progress with the CI' news - I've noticed that people around me are starting to ‘adjust’ to my CI as well. Some in my family have stopped waiting for me to look at them and just start talking, knowing that I can pick up their speaking and divert my attention accordingly. This ‘nifty new skill’ has also cut down on the need for people to constantly tap me to get my attention.

Finally, just to continue with the last entry’s theme of ‘sounds that drive me crazy,’ I offer up –

Store announcements.

The first half a dozen times I heard these, I was excited and really tried to hear them. Since then? Drives me crazy. And honestly, aside from these 3 things –

(1) ‘Mr. and Mrs. Smith, Junior Smith’s at the Customer Service desk saying you’re lost. . .’

(2) ‘A fire has broken out in the store. Please head for the nearest exit. Please do not run but you might want to walk quickly. . .’

(3) ‘We’re giving away chocolate bars in Aisle 4. . .’

WHAT is so important as to necessitate the almost ceaseless announcements in stores? One of the biggest offenders – not to name names but their store logo is red and circular – literally squawks out an announcement every 10 minutes. Isn’t that excessive? Is it needed? I mean most shoppers are savvy. . .we can see the big ‘SALE!’ signs. We probably know of special deals.

And even if we didn’t, you already told us that 10 minutes ago. We don’t have the Drew Barrymore syndrome in that movie 50 First Dates.

And while I’m on the topic, why is it that the person making the announcement tends to have the most irritating voice? I really think they should only let those with nice, soothing voices make those announcements. Every other hour.

But like I keep telling myself. This is what ‘hearing’ is. You gotta take the good with the bad.

And when you can’t, you can always just take the CI off. I must say, that’s a BIG advantage to the CI/hearing aids. When sounds/things annoy people with ‘regular’ hearing, they can’t just ‘turn it off’ so I like to think I kind of have the best of both worlds.

Mood Swings

2006-07-05T17:17:00.000-05:00

I know I said I’d update this once I had my next rehab session, which technically was about a week ago, but I had to reschedule that appointment because I came down with a cold, and was in no shape (nor mood) to commute up to Baltimore. I’m sure my fellow commuters appreciated it too, since I was coughing up a lung then and who wants to be on a train ride with someone like that?

Anyway, you know what I’ve noticed lately? I’m starting to be affected by what I hear. Which hasn’t happened in a really long time.

When I was sick, sounds started irritating me and people’s voices, which are usually a really cool thing to hear, started to. . .if I may borrow a phrase from my law school roommate. . .'work my last good nerve.' I mean it grated. To the point where I seriously wanted to say –

‘Could you just shut up? Your voice is driving me insane!’

But I didn’t do that ‘cause I’m pretty sure had I said that to, oh, my mother, she would have sent me to the other side. And I don’t mean the ‘dark side of the Force.’ Somehow I did manage to not say that to anyone although I’ve been ‘seriously joking’ that I want to get a T-shirt printed up with the word ‘QUIET!’ for the next time I’m feeling a little ‘sensitive’ to sounds.

A little too passive-aggressive though?

I recovered (not completely) from that cold only to have to fly to Orlando for the Hearing Loss Association of America’s annual convention. HLAA is a good organization and really, they are partly responsible for me getting this implant as it is through them, that I located some very good resources on CIs and those resources led me to my clinic and well, the rest is history. (www.hearingloss.org)

I served on HLAA’s Board of Trustees for a year and a half (this convention was my ‘swan song’ on the Board) and at this convention there was a noticeable difference. Before, I relied primarily on lip-reading, CART and ASL (or a combo of the three) to communicate and it was a struggle. Let me be clear here. I’m not advocating any particular method of communication. Just like I’m not advocating for CIs for every deaf or HOH person. This blog has always been a reflection of my experience, and my experience only.

And from my experience, communicating at a large gathering is often exhausting for me. But at this convention, things were just. . .easier. Hearing with this CI plus lip-reading (with ASL thrown in at times) made it so much easier for me to communicate with not only fellow Board members but everyone else. And apparently it was noticeable to them as well. Many of the Board members remarked about how there was a noticeable change in how I communicated. . .how ‘relaxed’ I was (not that I was walking around all tense, but I wasn’t focused or concentrating so hard which I had to do when using only lip-reading). Many said they couldn’t believe that I had this implant for only 3 months because I was doing so well with it.

I wasn’t hearing everything, mind you. At large functions like the Opening Session where people spoke into microphones and there was CART, I tended to rely more on the CART because I could only pick up a word here and there. That may have to do with the acoustics at the convention venue because a few people remarked that there was an ‘echo effect’ in the large rooms at the convention. And at times, I did have to rely a lot on lip-reading if someone’s voice was particularly soft, but even having some auditory cues to help me made things a lot easier. Which, if you’ll recall, was my primary reason for wanting this CI in the first place.

I must say that the clearest indication that I was doing really well with the CI was when I was with another member and she relied on me to be the 'interpreter' for when we had to ask the hotel staff a question about the shuttles. Talk about surreal!

Two other very cool things happened at the convention. One was the Exhibit Hall where a lot of corporations who had helped to sponsor the event, set up booths to pass out freebies (keychains, pens, etc, etc) and to talk to conventioneers. Advanced Bionics was one of the sponsors and I got a chance to talk to someone there and that was just great. She was so thrilled at how well the implant was working for me and I got a chance to speak to someone at AB about things like cell phones and their latest innovations (AB is supposed to come out with a new processor sometime this Fall and I was told that if I didn’t open up my back-up processor, I could trade it in for a free upgrade. Cool little bit of information to come by huh?) I also got to meet with people from Sprint, T-Mobile and Cingular and they let me test out various cell phones to see how it worked. So instead of bugging family and friends, I got to bug people who wanted to be bugged! From that testing, the Blackberry from Sprint seemed to have the clearest audio for me. But I will have to do more testing as the Exhibit Hall was rather noisy and I didn’t have my T-coil so that might have affected how the other phones sounded.

So while the convention was a bit tiring for me (as I had to go to quite a few meetings as Board member, even as outgoing Board member), it was really fun to get to experience all those new sounds. And unlike when I had a cold, I welcomed hearing these things. I even got to hear Lou Ferrigno (our keynote speaker). . .yes, from The Incredible Hulk.. .speak and it was weird to hear his voice since I’ve never heard it before. Mostly he just grunted and yelled as The Hulk on the TV show. Incidentally, he gave a really nice speech and it was surprising to hear how similar his experiences were (feeling isolated because of his hearing loss, becoming determined to overcome it, and how advances in modern technology has really changed his life these days) to not only mine, but many of other deaf/HOH individuals. Having a hearing loss really can be the common denominator that connects people to one another.

Advanced Bionics also sponsored a screening for the Superman Returns film with open captioning. I’m going to confess now that I’m a huge Superman fan. That’s what I grew up with. I was 7 when the first movie came out with Christopher Reeve and I watched the re-runs of the old George Reeves show, as well as the Lois and Clark TV series. I even watch Smallville now and again. So to say I was excited about the new Superman movie would be an understatement. But to get to see it and open-captioned and for free? It was like Christmas in July for me.

I thought the movie was really good, although not without its problems. But what really put a smile on my face was hearing the ‘Superman theme’ The producers/director of the new movie used the same John Williams theme that was created for the original 1970’s/1980’s movie and hearing that familiar, soaring music in the theater (combined with a very familiar scene at the end) just brought me back to when I was 7 and seeing the first movie for the first time. It’s kind of like when you smell or see something familiar and it triggers a memory for you. That sense memory. I never thought I’d be able to have my hearing trigger a sense memory again, and until I heard that music in the theater, I didn’t realize that I had missed it.

So that? That was definitely the chocolate sprinkles on top as far as this CI is concerned.

I’m not entirely sure how I feel about having my moods/feelings affected by what I hear now, ‘cause let’s face it, I didn’t need more reasons to give me mood swings, but if I think about, being able to say that a sound is bothering me or feeling nostalgic because I heard something was something that was never possible for me a mere 3 months ago and all things considered, that’s a pretty damn incredible thing. So I guess those around me will just have to deal with my shifting moods!

Next rehab session is next week. . .assuming all goes as planned!

Fun with the CI

2006-06-15T09:41:00.000-05:00

This is gonna be shorter than my usual posts. Not short like the previous entry but that entry did have a visual to accompany it.

Just wanted to note 2 new things I’ve heard with the CI.

(1) A movie in a theater. Took my nephew to see Cars for his birthday (cute movie) and since I wanted to actually take him on his birthday (or close to it), I didn’t wait for the film to be open-captioned or have RWC (rear window captioning). I was nervous about how the CI would handle the theater’s audio surround system, because I do remember just how loud it could be – literally shake-the-walls-loud. But with a slight adjustment to my volume – just dialed it to the 11 o’clock setting (I usually have it at the 12 o’clock setting) – it was fine.

And I could hear! I mean I couldn’t follow the whole movie or anything. But I was getting words, even phrases, here and there. Enough for me to follow the movie fairly well. And when you consider that it was an animated movie full of talking cars – in other words, there are no ‘lips’ to read – catching words/phrases, was pretty darn cool!

(2) I had an actual phone conversation with someone. I’m still playing around with various cell phones (read: still bugging people) and my best bud happens to have this cell phone that she is borrowing from a friend of hers, and it is probably the best phone (cellular or otherwise) I’ve ‘tested’ so far. The sound quality is amazing. It’s like the person is standing right next to me and talking clearly into my CI. That’s how I managed to have a short conversation with a friend who I hadn’t talked to in a while. His voice was coming through clear as day, and instead of just catching a word here or there (like most phones I've tried), I could actually hear pretty much everything he was saying. It was very, very cool.

However, that amazing, awesome cell phone? Apparently is one of those top-of-the-line newfangled cell phones that costs A LOT of money. So while I do love it, I don’t think I’m gonna marry it. We might date. Though not exclusively.

Next rehab session is next week so expect an update. . . .thereabouts.

Picture!

2006-06-06T14:51:00.000-05:00

Just testing the picture function. With this little picture of me at the Southfield Public Library, which has to be one of the coolest public libraries I've been in. So of course, I have to take a goofy picture while I'm there.

Still working on getting those pictures for the play up. But if this works, it's a major step in the right direction!

Fast Trackin'

2006-06-06T14:38:00.000-05:00

Apparently I’m on the fast track where my aural rehabilitation is concerned. According to my AR specialist I could be ‘done’ with aural rehabilitation as quickly as next month. The only thing left for me to ‘master’ is the telephone (more on that later).

But first, I had my first experience flying with this CI. And that was interesting.

I’ve accepted that I’m gonna get frisked by security from now on. Advanced Bionics (and I’m guessing the other manufacturer does as well) sent me a card identifying me as someone with a medical implant. I had this card and my photo ID all ready as I’m going through the security checkpoint. I get there and give the TSA official the card and she looks at it confused and makes me walk through the detector anyway. Of course it goes off. Which I had explained to her when I gave her that card but hey, I don’t argue with armed people.

So off I go to that little area where they send people to be patted down. They pat me down and ask if I can ‘remove the device.’ I say ‘No’ which technically, is not the whole truth. The processor/outside part can be removed easily, but (1) I didn’t want to remove it and (2) I didn’t feel like going into a long, detailed explanation of what the CI actually entails. So ‘No’ seemed to cover things pretty well.

And honestly, I don’t know why they wanted me to remove my CI. I certainly didn’t want to for the simple reason that I needed it to hear them! What if they had asked me questions and given my propensity to guess wrong when just reading lips, I might have said ‘yes’ to a question like ‘do you have anything dangerous on you?’ and ended up in the back room having a cavity search performed on me! So for all intents and purposes, the CI cannot be removed where I’m concerned.

Except for the slight delay, getting frisked by security wasn’t too bothersome so I can live with it. The only other thing I was worried about was the actual 'flying with the CI' part. I wasn’t sure if the airplane would be too noisy (it wasn’t) or if the ‘ear-popping’ sensation you sometimes get at the high altitude would be painful with the electrodes in my ear (didn’t feel a thing). Neither of those things were bothersome so I didn’t take my CI off at all.

Which was good because, I got some benefits from flying with it on.

(1) I could hear the captain’s announcements for the first time in a long time. I didn’t catch everything but I did catch him giving the weather report for the city of destination and they are really concerned with your seat belts because I caught those words – 'seat belts' – over and over again.

(2) I got bumped up to first class thanks in part to my CI. On the return flight home, I was heading to my seat in Coach and when I got there, it was already occupied. When I said I was assigned that seat, the 2 women who were sitting near it both started talking to me. Now, before the CI, I would have stopped them and said ‘I’m sorry, I’m deaf, so I can’t understand you. Could you repeat that. . .slower?’ and 8 times out of 10, most of the people would have just frozen and then backed off since people just don’t know how to ‘deal’ with a deaf/HOH person. In this case, the CI really helped me to be able to discern what they were saying and the gist was they wanted my seat so that they could keep their family together for the flight. They wanted to trade their ticket for mine and I was like ‘Sure.’ I mean I was flying alone and didn’t really care where I sat. It was only a 1 hour flight. So I take their ticket (with their profuse thanks) and make my way towards that seat which turned out to be right in the first class section. Since it was only a 1 hour flight, there was nothing really fancy about 1st class. We got drinks (if we wanted) before take-off and another drink with snacks during the flight. The seats were roomier and you get off the plane first. But it was a nice experience and having the CI help me navigate what I call the ‘hit and run’ communication encounters with strangers definitely made me appreciate how much easier it is to interact with people nowadays.

So that’s flying with the CI.

At my AR session on the 30th, my AR specialist did word/sentence recognition exercises with me. First she started off with sentences that had some slight parameters. Namely, she would let me read her lips/hear with the CI one sentence and then cover up her lips and say a second sentence that was related to the first. For instance,

1st sentence – Jason likes to snack after school.
2nd sentence – His favorite snacks are popcorn and pretzels.

So after being able to listen to the first sentence with some visual aids, that helped to establish some parameters for the second. Still, this was different and more challenging in that the parameters were rather broad. But I was hitting all the sentences so my AR specialist quickly switched over to word recognition. Completely ‘blind.’

She would just read off words and I’d have to repeat them with no clues, no parameters, no nothing. I hit close to 100% on that too. So she decided to move over to sentence recognition. Also completely blind. And I hit close to 95% percent on that. Granted the sentences were very simple. (‘Our lemonade is sour.’) But since the only way I could get any of it was to actually rely completely on my CI to hear, getting close to 95% was amazing!

At this point, my AR specialist told me that she didn’t really see much work left for us to do. She explained that at our next session (now spaced out to every 4 weeks), we’d try to handle the telephone and if I could hit a certain level of ‘mastery’ on it, I would pretty much ‘finish’ all that there was to do with the AR.

So my homework was to try and use the telephone (including my cell phone) and to keep practicing the short sentence recognition.

I know in a previous post I’d said I’d harass family and friends on the phone but luckily for them, I had to head out of town, so I wasn’t able to do it. But last week, I did manage to find some time to call up my best bud and do some ‘experimenting’ on the phone.

What I decided to do was to call her up, while we were on IM (me via my Sidekick, and her via her computer) so that we had two avenues of communication. Then I asked her to do the very first exercises I did with AR (colors, fruits, animals) over the phone with me. Then on IM, she would tell me whether I had gotten the words right or wrong.

And WOW. I actually managed to hear her. I didn’t quite get all the words. (Kept missing ‘grape’) but I was hearing over the phone!

After that, I’ve been calling various recordings just to see if I can hear. My voicemail sounds a little weird to me. It starts off soft and then gets really loud but since I didn’t record it (a relay operator had to help me), I could understand why it didn't sound like I thought it 'should.' I’m not quite getting everything, but I’m definitely hearing something on the phone these days.

I’m also bugging people about using their cell phones – ‘just to see.’ Which is actually pretty fun ‘cause I always get strange looks before they reluctantly hand their phones over. My own phone (T-Mobile Sidekick II), I’m not liking so much. There’s a lot of static and feedback and I’m hoping both my audiologist and AR specialist can help with that the next time I head up to Baltimore.

Oh and I did do another phone test with my best bud this Sunday. I borrowed her cell phone and called her home line while having dinner with her (yes, we did do the goofy, call-each-other-while-in-the-same-room thing but it’s part of my ‘rehabilitation’ so I think I should get a pass on it) and this time, I managed to have a short conversation with her. It was very brief and very simple but it’s definitely a step up from the colors/animals/fruits exercise!

So, my next AR session isn’t for a while which gives me plenty of time to keep playing with that ‘phone thing.’

The Surreal Life

2006-05-31T23:12:00.000-05:00

So this is a little new. I'm going to veer 'off-topic' a bit. Actually, the more accurate phrase would be - 'I'm going to expand the topic of this blog' a bit. Up until now, this blog was mainly about my experiences with the CI and that's still true. But with this post, I'm going to talk about something else. But hey, I'll still be talking about myself in a long, rambling way so there's no change really.

Anyway, who knew that 'Dude' could be such a funny word? But that's what I learned when I went to Detroit last week. I went for two reasons. The first was to meet another one of my online friends who I've known for a while but who I've yet to meet. The other reason was to catch some performances of a play that I wrote, and which was being produced and presented by the Children's Theater Network, which is part of the Performance Network in Ann Arbor, MI (http://www.performancenetwork.org/).

The play I wrote was a 'tweaking' of the children's classic, 'The Three Pigs.' Basically, instead of 3 pigs, a mean, hungry wolf and some rather violent activity, I instead wrote about 3 siblings who each had their own businesses. Yep, you guessed it - hay, wood and brick stores. Their mother asks them to build her a house and due to sibling rivalry and the like, they end up fighting and decide to each build her their own version of a house. When it comes time to have the house inspected by the friendly housing inspector (who takes over as 'the wolf'), chaos ensues.

How I managed to get involved in the playwrighting field was kind of. . .interesting. That friend that I mentioned? She and I met through of all things, a TV show. We actually have very similar tastes in TV shows and talk about them regularly. She knew that I like writing and it just so happens that a friend of hers, who is the Artistic Director of the Children's Theater Network, was looking for some writers. My friend suggested I submit a script to the AD, and I just seized the opportunity, not really having any clue as to how to write a play or whatnot. Thank goodness an idea came to me (and believe me, I bugges plenty of people - many who are probably reading this right now so I better confess! - for ideas), and then I just sat down and sweated through the script. I submitted it, not really expecting anything (and the experience of writing it was really fun) but lo and behold, the AD liked the script and the next thing I knew, they were producing it and performing it in local schools in Detroit. (Oh and the moral of this? TV is good for you! :-) )

It's been really surreal. When people ask me 'you wrote a play?' I say 'yeah' but without actually putting 2 and 2 together, if that makes sense. I mean I know the script I wrote and I know I 'sold it,' but it might as well have been those goofy little performances I used to cook up with my kid sister when we were young. I didn't really put my script together with the fact that a professional theater company was going to perform it and I still couldn't. . .not even after it went up on the website, not even after I got the brochure with a write up of the play, and not when my friend told me about seeing the first few performances.

Like I said, surreal.

And it became even more surreal after I saw some performances.

But first, I must give a huge shout-out to my friend. Not only did she let me crash at her place but she played tour guide/cheerleader/chauffeur/etc., the entire time I was in Detroit. I had such a blast in large part because of her. Anyway, she coordinates the cultural arts program for the Detroit public schools so she pretty much had an all-access pass to the schools. So literally, without her, I would not have been able to see any performances, 'cause schools tend to frown upon strangers walking into their buildings and 'hanging' with the kids during assembly programs!

As for the performances, the actors were amazing. I am still blown away by them. I'm not a Henry O'Neill, or even a Rodgers or Hammerstein. I'm not even in the same universe as these type of playwrights. I aspire to be but that's different thing entirely. I'm just an attorney, who likes to write. And yet, from the way these actors performed this play (and I caught about 5 performances at different schools), I really felt like I was one of those playwrights. I was so honored by how they treated my script.

They had such incredible energy and enthusiasm. And each performance, whether it was their second of the day, whether it was really early in the morning or late in the afternoon, or whether it was in an auditorium that was stuffy and hot, they took the script I wrote and made it come to life. Each and every performance, I was sucked in, to the point that I totally forgot I was watching something I wrote.

I told people who asked me what it was like, that it felt like I was watching a familiar play. I mean I knew what was coming up, but it wasn't because I wrote it, but because I was really enjoying the performance and if anything was familiar it just felt like I had seen it before. Being able to draw people into the story I think is the mark of a really good actor. And these actors were definitely very, very good.

These actors made my lines funny. I wrote one character as being kind of laid-back, almost lacksidaisal and who says 'Dude' a lot but I never envisioned the character the way the actor interpreted him. But after the first performance, I was like 'Yep. That's the character. That's exactly the character' And the way the actor delivered 'Dude'? The kids thought it was the funniest thing and I certainly couldn't take the credit for that! The same goes for all the other characters. Each actor really inhabited their characters and really just made my script so much better for it.

I could go on and on with the praise. Really. It was just so wonderful to actually see the script I wrote up there on the stage, and to watch the kids' reaction to it. So much so that I actually forgot to take pictures! But I did remember towards the end and I do have pictures. Which I would love to share but (1) I need to figure out how to get them off my father's digital camera and unto my computer, (2) how to get them from my hard drive to a photo hosting service online, and (3) to get the actors' permission to post their pictures online. So, um. . .soon?

Oh and I have to say something about the music/lyrics that the musician (who I corresponded with mostly through e-mail - the wonders of the Internet!) wrote to accompany my script. Obviously I don't write music or lyrics and I must say, the songs he wrote (including a really cool rap song) were perfect. Especially the ending number that summed up the 'moral' of the play (working together gets you further than fighting). Again, it was just awesome. Everything was just awesome. . .from the 'sets' that were designed to the props. That's probably why I still can't believe all of that came from something I wrote.

Anyway, I really had a blast and I ran the idea past the AD (who I also got a chance to meet thanks (again!) in part to my friend, and who (the AD) turned out to be so very cool) about writing another play for the CTN and the AD was open to that idea so I might be a budding playwright yet! Of course, that means I'll need an idea and I'm not exactly good with the 'ideas' stuff. Usually I just wait until inspiration hits. Not exactly a 'foolproof' plan. So if anyone wants to run any ideas my way. . .please! :-)

Up next - back to the CI stuff!

Being 'Normal'

2006-05-17T14:37:00.000-05:00

‘Normal’ is not a word people often use to describe me. That can both be a good and bad thing. After a while, I’ve accepted that I’m not ‘normal’ and I no longer have the desire to be ‘normal’ (boring!) but when it’s used to describe my CI and hearing? I will happily take it!

Anyway, I wanted to update this last week but blogger.com was not being cooperative, shall we say? I even had a post typed up and ready to post when the website just went ‘Poof!’ on me. I was just talking about how the CI was bugging me a little that week. Turns out it was just a little mapping issue which we hopefully resolved yesterday at my dual mapping and AR sessions.

I went in for mapping first and the first thing we did was head straight to the hearing test booth. We did a quick hearing test and I didn’t really notice any difference from the last hearing test I took. I was certainly hearing the beeps (contrast that to before the CI when I was hearing nothing) but other than that, it felt like the same test, with the same result.

But there was a slight difference. Before, my hearing was in the ‘normal-to-moderate hearing loss’ range. (Let me pause here to marvel at the fact that my hearing is actually anywhere near the normal range! ‘Normal’ has never, ever been used to describe my hearing so that was really odd to find out.) However, the pitches I was hearing was kind of ‘slanted’ – I wasn’t picking up the higher pitched sounds, which is what they adjusted my mapping to last time.

Now, my hearing was more ‘spiked’ – I could pick up both high and low pitched sounds but I was more comfortable in the middle range so my audiologist wanted to adjust my mapping to allow me to hear the pitches on the ‘ends of the spectrum’ better so that my hearing could be ‘fuller’ and ‘more normal’ (There’s that word again!).

I also mentioned that my CI had been bothering me of late because it seemed to have a ‘pecking order’ for sounds regardless of what I wanted to hear. Namely, whatever is the 'louder' sound, that’s what my CI projects and what I hear, regardless of the fact that I might not necessarily want to hear that louder sound. For instance, I was having dinner with a friend and the server was wrapping up some of the food for us to take home and he was standing close by and putting the boxes into a bag. I heard the paper crinkling very, very loudly. To the point where my friend’s voice completely ‘disappeared.’ Even though I no longer wanted to focus on that sound, until the server was done, that’s all I could do because that’s the only sound the CI seemed to be responding to.

My audiologist explained that because my CI was still ‘new’ (it hasn’t even been 2 months yet since I was activated), certain sounds will be very ‘loud’ to me. My brain was still adjusting and the mapping program still needed some ‘fine-tuning.’ But that was all – say it with me – perfectly normal. What we decided to do was to create a program that would decrease the range of pitches which would hopefully help me learn how to focus on sounds that I want to focus on because there would be slightly less stimulation at the more extreme ends of the pitch spectrum.

So, armed with 2 new mapping programs, I went off to my 4th aural rehabilitation session. I was pretty prepared for it too, but instead of going back to the ‘computer games’ program, she decided to try something different.

Before we got started, however, she asked me, as usual, to recount any new sounds I had heard or any sounds I wanted to work on. I mentioned 3 things.

(1) I heard a GPS device. You know those things they fit into cars these days telling you where to go? I actually heard one the other week saying ‘turn left’ That was, incidentally, the wrong direction but it was pretty cool that I heard it.
(2) I heard my nephew call to me when I was walking away from him. He very distinctly said ‘Auntie!’ which caused me to turn around. That was really cool because I’ve always wanted to hear my nephew’s voice, and getting to hear that (and to hear him call me ‘Auntie’) was pretty darn awesome.
(3) I did a ‘test run’ on the telephone. I decided to call up my best bud and while I didn’t hear her say anything, I did hear the line ring which was pretty cool since I haven’t heard a phone ring on the other end in a good long while.

When my AR specialist heard about the telephone thing, she decided to do a quick test. Using the speaker phone in her office, she dialed a number and told me ‘Tell me what you hear - if anything.’ I heard the phone ring (Yay!) and then all of a sudden, a voice very distinctly said,

‘At the tone, the time will be 1:53 and 25 seconds.’

Not really thinking about it at the time, I repeated it. My AR specialist turned to me, in surprise, and said, ‘You heard that?’ And that’s when it hit me. I heard that! On. The. Phone!

She then dialed another number. Again, I heard the ringing but this time the recorded voice was harder to hear. It was very fast, but I did catch a few words, namely ‘70’ ‘degrees’ and ‘thunderstorms’ which let me know that she had dialed into the weather line.

So then my AR specialist decided to try me on a ‘harder’ exercise. Namely she’d give me 3 related words and I’d have to tell her what the category was, as well as the words. (For example, 'coke' 'milk' and 'ice tea' are types of beverages) The reason this is hard is because I rely heavily on using parameters to help me hear, i.e. if I’m ordering a steak, I’d expect the waiter to ask how I’d like it cooked, as opposed to say asking me if my car needed a new tire. But since I wouldn’t know what words she was going to say, the parameters would be almost non-existent.

So she started saying the words and amazingly, I was getting it. I was getting the words/categories so well that she called my audiologist back in so that I could ‘show off’ (her words). I have no idea how I did it but I really was hearing the words. My AR specialist told me I was much further along than she had anticipated and she wasn’t sure what to do with me just then since I was ‘breezing’ through her exercises.

My audiologist then suggested we do a sentence recognition test in the hearing booth. She was curious, my AR specialist was curious and so was I. So back we went. I was told that I was going to hear a male recorded voice saying simple sentences and I should repeat what I hear. That’s it. No clue about what the recording was going to say or anything else.

At first, the recording sounded really soft and I couldn’t pick out anything except a stray word, here and there. Then the recording got louder and once I had gotten used to it, I was actually hearing whole sentences. With no parameters, no hints. Nothing but ‘straight’ hearing.

My audiologist told me that they had played the recording at 2 decibels. One was at 50dB which is considered the ‘normal’ speaking range and one at 60 dB which is slightly louder. At the 50 dB, I was hearing at 28% but at 60dB, I was hearing at 71%! I was amazed! Especially when I thought about the fact that I was even hearing ANYTHING at a normal or slightly-louder-than-normal range! That would never have happened without this CI!

We were all amazed actually. My audiologist and AR specialist both said my progress was ‘phenomenal’ since it’s been barely 2 months but I was quickly running through everything they had given me. (That’s probably my Type A, overachiever personality at work). So after all that, I wasn’t really given any homework assignments because whatever I was doing (and honestly, I’m not really doing anything except listening which is completely fun for me because after not hearing anything for 17 years, even a child screaming at me is ‘fun’) was ‘really working.’

My AR specialist did tell me that if I wanted to, I could practice using the telephone. She said I should try calling people whose voices I knew and try having a short conversation or having them say simple words to me. In other words, set very narrow and focused parameters on the telephone ‘conversations.’

So even though this homework is ‘optional’ – I’m am SO on board. Come on. I get to harass my family and friends on the phone and chalk it up to ‘rehabilitation’? What kind of idiot would I be to pass that chance up?

You all can expect calls.

Computer Games

2006-05-08T13:06:00.000-05:00

I had hoped to update this much sooner. But that procrastination thing. I really should work on that shouldn't I? And I will.

Later.

Anyway, last Wednesday, May 3, 2006 was my aural rehabilitation session. There was no mapping session last week because my audiologist thinks that I can now come in for mapping about once every month or so.

A few random observations before I get to the actual AR session.

(1) Has the announcement on the Metro changed? If so, why?! I had JUST mastered that. But the recording no longer sounds like 'Doors opening. (Pause) Doors closing. (Ding, ding sound) Please stand clear of the doors. Thank you.' Now I'm just picking up 'Doors opening. Something, something, something. Then a 'thank you.' So much for that acquired 'skill.' I guess I'll just have to aim to try and hear this new announcement. Of course, that's assuming they don't go and change that around on me again!

(2) Talking to strangers is getting 'easier.' Not that I'm advocating for people to talk to strangers. What I mean is those daily interactions you have with say a cashier, waiter or the like. My interactions with them were either unintentionally humorous (due to me guessing wrong on the lip-reading thing) or unrealized on my part (i.e. the person would say something to me but I had no clue they had said something so I'd just carry on as if nothing had transpired which I'm sure must have made some of those people wonder whether I was rude, snotty or both). But I noticed that when getting my Chai Latte at the train station, I not only heard the actual price of it (prior to getting the CI, I relied heavily on looking at the register for the price so I hated those registers with the amount display turned away from the customers) but I was able to respond when she asked if I wanted whole or low fat milk. Of course, there was still an element of unintentional humor in that interaction because once I realized I was able to pick those things up, I stood there for a moment with a goofy smile on my face as the cashier just stared at me. Well better that than the one time I was at a Dean and Deluca and upon being told to have a nice day (I thought she had asked - 'anything else today'), I politely replied 'No thank you.'

I guess I should be happy that I'm still 'funny' - CI or no CI.

Anyway, this AR session lasted fairly long. Usually it lasts about an hour but this one ran for almost an hour and a half and was by far the most challenging one yet. But as my AR specialist pointed out, I was doing very well and she needed to keep pushing me.

Instead of doing words recognition as we had done before, my AR specialist decided to have me use an aural rehabiliation program on her computer. She explained that the program was designed to help CI patients learn how to use their CI and to help them chart their progress in AR as it would keep track of how well I did, as well as which sounds I might be having trouble with, which would help with any further mapping I would need.

We started out with a 'sound distinction' program and I went through all 3 levels easily. Basically the computer plays 3 sounds and I had to pick out which sound was different from the other 2. Since I'm picking up fairly high pitched sounds (although not without discomfort at times), this was easy for me.

So we moved on to the the environmental sounds. It was set up kind of like a computer game, with pictures and allowing me to click on the answers and the computer would tell me if I was right or wrong. I guess that should have been my first clue that this wasn't going to be as easy as the other stuff I had picked up in AR so far.

Because I? Suck at computer 'games.'

First, my AR specialist had me go through the list of sounds that the computer was going to 'test' me on. There were about 50 sounds and 'environmental sounds' are basically things like a dog barking, baby crying, lawn mower, birds chirping or things like that. I quickly realized that a lot of those sounds are hard for me to distinguish. For instance, a cat meowing sounds a lot like a baby crying to me. I know that sounds weird but since my hearing range still hasn't completely 'filled in' quite yet (I've only mapped it 3 times so far), there might still be 'gaps' for me so I might not be able to pick up the sounds and pitches that distinguish a cat's meow from a baby's cry.

After spending some time listening to those sounds to try and create that quick auditory memory for myself (although honestly, there was no way I could memorize that many sounds at once), I began the 'game.' The first level, the computer gave me a choice of 2 possible answers and played one sound. The choices were generally between 2 sounds that sound very different (at least to me) from each other so that was fairly easy. I went through Level 1 with no problems.

Level 2, however, upped the ante. Instead of 2 choices, there were now four (broadening my process of elimination range which makes things harder for me) and the sounds were more similar to each other.

I began to struggle. I was guessing more. Still out of 25, I only missed 2 but I had to replay a lot of the sounds a few times and even then, I ended up just guessing. Some sounds just didn't sound 'right' to me. For instance, the way a sprinkler sounded on the computer recording didn't quite sound like I had 'remembered.' It was more loud, 'continuous' and high pitched whereas I guess my memory of a lawn sprinkler was more staccato and lower in pitch.

That's actually been an 'interesting' thing for me since I was activated. Some people have asked me over the years if I 'hear' anything as a deaf person and I say 'Kind of.' Although, technically, I'm not actually hearing anything. But in those 17 years when I was profoundly deaf, I was never in complete silence. For instance, when someone spoke to me, I would 'hear' a voice. If it was someone familiar whose voice I had heard prior to my hearing loss, such as my parents, I was hearing the memory of their voice. If it was someone 'new,' then my head 'imagined' a voice for them. So when people spoke to me, there was always a 'sound' but it wasn't really sound, just something my mind created. After a while, I guess I just accepted that imagined voice/sound as the actual sound/voice.

So when I was activated, that was actually a surprise. I remember telling my sister-in-law that her voice sounded 'weird' because I had imagined a completely different voice for her. I'm sure it was very amusing (or annoying, perhaps both) for people to have me tell them they didn't sound 'right' but that's how it seemed to me!

So the environmental sounds 'game' really highlighted that for me. I had to adjust with how I had perceived a certain sound with how it actually sounded. And since the CI electronically stimulates sound waves, some sounds have a certain 'distortion' as well, and I needed to adjust to that. As my AR specialist explained, I was creating a whole new auditory memory bank and sometimes, it would be hard for my brain to adjust to it because while some sounds might sound just as I had 'remembered,' others would sound very, very different.

At the end of Level 2, we moved onto a new program. This program was similar to the sound distinction program that I had started out with but now I had to distinguish between male and female voices and honestly, this was the hardest program yet. I missed quite a few. Because the distinction between male and female voices often rested on pitch recognition, for those where the pitches were fairly close together (as opposed to say a really deep male voice and a very high pitched female one), I had a lot of trouble picking those out.

After that program, I was given new homework assignments. The first was I was supposed to listen for a grocery cart. That's was more a little joke between my AR specialist and myself since when the shopping cart sound came up on the 'game' I looked at her and asked (in all seriousness), 'Shopping carts make a sound?' Honestly, I've been to the grocery store a few times since I've been activated and I have never heard a shopping cart. I've heard the cash register, the announcements (still garbled), people talking loudly on their cell phones, the hum of the freezers and pretty much everything else but not a shopping cart. My AR specialist thought this was funny so she wants me to try and listen for it.

(Note - I was in the grocery store just this Saturday. STILL no shopping cart 'sounds.' Dang. Those wheels must be really well greased! Or they're super-steathy shopping carts!)

The other homework I had was to listen to environmental sounds and see if they sound like the recording. This will help me reconcile any discrepancies between 'preceived sounds' and the actual sounds. And finally, I was to start practicing distinguishing between male and female voices. My AR specialist told me to just continue listening to the TV (or whatever) and try and test myself at random, such as listening to a voice and determining whether it's a male or female voice.

So far, I'm having more success practicing the environmental sounds (lawn mowers, at least where I live, are much lower in pitch than on the recording for instance) than the male/female sounds (I guessed Ann Curry's voice wrong on Dateline last night. Oops!).

Next mapping and AR session is next week (May 16) but I'm hoping to update briefly before then.

Little Bits of Progress

2006-05-01T13:20:00.000-05:00

So I'm riding high after that first aural rehabilitation (AR) session. I was given 'homework' in the form of practicing those 3 categories of words I had just 'learned' as well as increasing my auditory stimulation. In other words, subject myself more to this noisy world.

That means that if something can make noise, I should let it. Let me just say that I love my TV. I'm a child of the 80's and grew up watching TV before all those studies came out telling everyone how bad TV was for our brains and development (which I, of course, disagree with!). So I usually have the TV on if I'm in the room. Only it's always on 'mute' But now, it was on at full volume. It sounded like there was a constant, distant chatter going on, which was very strange at first, but I quickly adapted so it wasn't too bothersome.

You know what is bothersome? Car commercials. Maybe it's just me and this CI but car commercials sound so very, very loud. If I'm doing something else, I always look up when a car commercial comes on, simply because it always seems like someone has jacked the volume up. Although, that's progress in a way too since I'm noticiing volume changes which I couldn't do before the CI.

There were two notable things that happened in the week and a half between that AR session and when I went back for mapping. One was I heard my first bit of 'music' Well, I should clarify that I didn't really hear the music - not entirely. But I heard enough to remember that it was music.

I was in bed, reading and had the TV on in the background as per usual when all of a sudden, I heard a very familar 'dun, dun, dun-dun' It was more the percussive beat I heard, but it was a very distinctive percussive beat. I remember thinking to myself, 'that sounds like the wedding march.' And sure enough, when I looked over at the TV, there was a wedding taking place. It took a moment to let that sink in but once it did, I was really happy. It's been a long time since I heard the wedding march so it was nice to know that my brain can recognize 'old sounds.'

The other notable thing that happened was I learned when I should contact my audiologist and schedule a mapping on my own. Or at least, just contact my audiologist to let her know that I might need to come in for a mapping. Over the course of that week and a half, I started to notice a strange thing. Sometimes, when people talked to me, even though they were standing right next to me, it sounded like their voices were coming from somewhere much further away. As if they were somehow throwing their voices. If you were one of the people who I talked to then and I would give you strange looks, well, that's the reason!

So I called my audiologist and I scheduled another mapping and AR session for April 18, 2006. When I got there, I talked to my audiologist for a while and she decided that doing the mapping like I had done before - listening to individual pitches as I'm hooked up to the laptop -might not be the best course of action. She suggested a hearing test.

I wasn't too thrilled about that. Hearing tests for me have basically been me sitting in a very quiet room, and waiting for that rare sound that was so loud, I could literally feel it vibrating off my head. Then I'd push the button to let them know I had 'heard' it, only I hadn't really. But hey, I'm not the expert so off we went to the little soundproof room.

This hearing test, however, was quite different.

I was actually hearing some of those beeps. I guessed quite a bit but there were beeps that I was definitely hearing! Still, I didn't know what it all meant. Good? Bad? What?

At the end of the test, my audiologist was smiling which I took as a good sign. My AR specialist had joined us by that point and my audiologist said to me -

'Do you remember what your old audiogram looked like?'

Of course.

I always joke that my audiogram is 'off the charts.' If you've never seen an audiogram before, it's basically a chart or grid-like picture and your hearing is measured by boxes/circles connected by lines somewhere on that grid. Most people's hearing are somewhere near the top to middle of that chart. Mine is way, way down on that grid. It's literally 'off the chart' in certain places.

So my audiologist showed me my 'new' audiogram and. . .I'm back on that grid! I'm now near the middle area which is a huge improvement. It's not 'normal' hearing but it's definitely hearing!

I was stunned.

My audiologist explained that at the one month mark (approximately) that was 'impressive' progress on my part. I agreed, although I hadn't really done anything except sit around and try to listen to things. And bother friends and family by telling them they were being too loud or that their voices were bugging me. But hey, I'll take it.

My audiologist then explained that the reason I thought people's voices sounded 'distant' was because the mapping program I had currently didn't 'recognize' those pitches so it'd just 'drop' them so that's why some voices with higher pitches sounded 'soft' or 'distant' to me - simply because the CI was dropping it. So we decided to map my CI this time according to the audiogram as opposed to the individual pitches since listening to the pitches independent of anything else apparently wasn't working for me anymore.

After we finished mapping the new programs, I went off to AR.

This time I was given two handouts with various pictures on it. Still, the words were simple (door, witch, soap, bridge, book) and my AR specialist started to say the words. At first, I wasn't getting them. But if I said the words to myself first - giving me a quick auditory memory - I could hear the words easier. We did that for a while and then we went back to 'the grocery list.'

That's all I was given to work with. That the words would be somehting you'd find on a grocery list. Needless to say, I was a little concerned since that's a much wider category of words and there was no 'prepping' beforehand by having me say the words to myself to give myself that auditory memory to use as a guide.

But amazingly enough, I got all the words! Some words had to be repeated a few times but I learned how to focus on a different syllable each time it was repeated until I had enough syllables to string the word together. For instance, 'tomatoes' I couldn't get because I only got 'to' at first. But when she repeated it, I got 'toes' and putting 'to' and 'toes' together with 'grocery list' as my parameter, I 'guessed' tomatoes correctly.

At the end, my AR specialist told me she was very impressed with my progress and I could probably 'fast track' my rehab if I kept up at this pace. I was told to practice the new words and to continue my auditory stimulation by reading aloud to myself.

When I got back to DC and was on the Metro heading home, a funny thing happened. I heard a disembodied voice. At first I could only hear 'door' which was, coincidentally enough, one of the words I had just practiced in AR. Then, by focusing on 'door' I started hearing the announcement on the Metro which basically tells you when the doors open or close and that you should stand clear of the doors. I also noticed that there was another announcement on the Metro which just sounded like loud static to me (a friend later told me it was just the conductor announcing stops and 'they mumble half the time anyway') but at least I was distinguishing voices now.

Since then, I'm noticing that I'm hearing the 'disembodied voice' more and more. On TV, sometimes I can hear the 'narrator' announcing that a show would be back. And one day, I heard a really loud voice say 'The new Dodge!' Car commercial. Of course.

I'm also noticing something else. Talking to people is getting much easier. At my nephew's birthday party, I was able to follow conversations for a lot longer and without as much effort on my behalf. Usually, I get lost in a conversation very easily especially if there's a shift in conversation (for instance, you start talking about a book you read but the topic changes to a news article you read). But at that party, I was doing much better. I still can't talk to more than 2 people easily but lip-reading isn't quite the struggle it used to be. And this weekend, I visited some friends I hadn't seen in a while and over the course of several hours, and many, many conversation shifts, I was able to follow everything much easier. I was even able to have some kind of conversation in a dark car when my friend was giving me a lift home later, which I couldn't do at all before.

I'm still not getting the full words or speech, but the sounds I do get, are providing me the auditory cues I need to help me with my lip-reading. So that is defintely progress.

I have another AR session this week and will let you all know how that goes after it's done.

Say What?

2006-04-27T13:27:00.000-05:00

When I went in for my initial CI consult, I was asked not only why I wanted the CI but what was I expecting from a CI. And my audiologist and aural rehabilitation specialist were very, very careful to point out that the CI was not going to be some kind of 'miracle cure.' They wanted me to keep my expectations realistic.

I might be able to hear quite a lot. Talking on the phone without the aid of a relay operator may be possible. I might hear music again. I might be able to hear the things I have on my 'wish list' (things I wish I could hear if given a chance).

But those things might not happen either.

So what did I want?

Actually that was a fairly easy question to answer. I wanted the CI to make things easier for me. I was well aware it wasn't going to solve all my problems. And let's face it, if one little device could solve all my problems, then I was either in denial about the problems I had or my life is charmed!

'Easier' in what ways? Lip or speech-reading is hard. Yes, even after 17 years. It's not one of those things that get easier the more you do it. I mean yes, the more I lip-read someone, the better I get at it but even after 17 years, lip reading family and close friends can be taxing.

People's speech patterns differ. Sometimes they mumble. Sometimes they 'swallow' syllables. Sometimes they say things in a way that's hard for me to pick up. They're not always looking right at you and it's infinitely harder to read lips at a profile or some other angle. And speech itself is a hard thing to 'read.' Silent syllables. Accented words. Words that are 'new' to me. (How does one pronounce 'Kanye' as in Kanye West for instance?) There are just so many variables that speech reading is quite simply. ..hard.

So if my CI could help me even a little in this aspect, then my expectations are met. Do I want to hear things on my wish list? Yes. Do I want to hear music? Yes. Do I want to be able to speak on the phone without a relay operator? Yes.

But those things are the chocolate frosting and sprinkles on top. If this CI could help me with my day-to-day communication, then I'd consider it a success.

Now I have a little confession to make. That first week with my CI? Besides the headaches? I was also a little disappointed that I wasn't able to pick up speech right away.

Everyone sounded like The Chipmunks. 'Squeaky' became my favorite descriptive term. Even though I was told that most people don't pick up speech right away, I couldn't help but be disappointed. Maybe it's just ego. That I, of course, would be different. My experience would be historically remarkable and what others couldn't do, I could.

Not so.

While I quickly learned to identify what speech sounded like (garbled, out-of-tune radio station), I couldn't tell you what that person was saying unless I was lip-reading.

And then a funny thing happened.

I began aural rehabilitation (AR).

That took place on March 28, 2006 which is also notable for the birth of my niece. So it was a great day all around.

First, I had a second mapping done and that consisted of being hooked back up to the laptop and having my audiologist test various sounds and I'd tell her if they were soft, loud or uncomfortable. Based on my answers, she set up a program to begin 'evening out' my hearing range. When I say they 'turned me on' a week before, they didn't simply just activate everything in my CI. They started off with basic programs because if they had just turned everything on, I'd have gone crazy. That's simply too much stimulation and impossible for me to process. So the whole mapping process is to figure out what my brain is 'getting' and where pitches need to be increased so that my hearing levels start to even out and become 'fuller.'

After that, she did the simple sounds test again, but this time I had to identify those sounds without the benefit of her telling me what was what and amazingly enough, I managed to identify all the sounds. It was at that point that she felt I was ready to start the rehabilitation process.

So I hopped over to the office next door and met with my AR specialist.

She explained again the way a CI works and how things can be a little frustrating at first but that I shouldn't be discouraged. Then she pulled out a pad and wrote down some words. They were very easy words and separated into 3 categories.

Colors. Animals. Fruits.

Then she told me that she was going to say the words, with her mouth covered, and I should try and tell her what she had said.

Internally, I scoffed.

Come on. Everyone sounded like The Chipmunks. I couldn't pick out any speech at all. How was I supposed to pick out words, even simple ones? Much less do it 'blind' i.e. without any visual cues at all.

But what the hell. What could it hurt right? I'd just be a little more disappointed if this thing backfired.

Only it didn't backfire. It worked. Spectacularly.

She started with colors and I picked out each and every one. Then we went to animals. And again, I hit every one. And the fruits? No problem. It was only when she combined the categories together that I started missing words.

But who cared at that point? I was hearing words! Speech!

Although I wasn't hearing the whole words. Just enough of the words to be able to distinguish. For instance, 'blue' and 'red' - I could hear the vowels ('oo' and 'ee') which are easily distinguished so while I didn't necessarily hear 'blue,' when I heard the 'oo' sound, I knew it was blue. Which would also explain why when she mixed the categories together it got harder for me. Because then it wasn't so easy to use process of elimination to eliminate words because the list of options had grown. And now there was possibly more than one word with that 'oo' sound.

I recall wondering whether I was actually doing this 'right.' I termed it 'cheating.' Which isn't accurate. More like I felt like I was doing what I had always done. Namely, taking whatever I could to solve the puzzle. Lip-reading is like solving a long puzzle. Sometimes I don't get every word in a sentence. (OK. Usually.) But I get enough words to know what is being said. Or sometimes I'll miss a large chunk of something but get enough to get the 'gist' so that I can ask for clarification. So it's not really 'cheating' but I wondered, since this was a new thing, should I be using my 'old ways'?

And the answer was a resounding 'yes.' In fact, my AR specialist encouraged me to do that. I was told that would actually help. since being able to quickly identify how to distinguish a word from another and then committing it to memory so that I could figure out what was what was exactly how I should be training myself to hear with the CI. Since I had an auditory memory before I became deaf, the more I 'reacquainted' my brain to sounds that it had heard previously, the easier it would be for my brain to start processing sounds and speech again.

So now, I still can't hear enough speech to understand it fully without the benefit of lip-reading to aid me but I'm getting some speech. And that is what I had wanted going in. So expectations? On its way to being met.

Of course, me being me, I now want more.

'My Head Hurts'

2006-04-26T21:57:00.000-05:00

I was activated on March 22, 2006.

And from March 22 through March 28, that's what I said. Often.

'My head hurts.'

Now let me preface this. I do not regret the CI at all. If things never get better, I'd still be happy with it. I'll tell you why. . .later. (Come on. I need to save some material here!)

But that first week? My brain freaked out.

And that was completely understandable. For 17 years, it had no auditory stimuli at all and all of a sudden, all the sounds of the world was coming at it. I'd freak out too.

So how did my brain react? It made my head hurt. I was on strict orders to wear the CI for as much as possible so that my brain could get used to it but I honestly couldn't last longer than 5 hours on some days. So I used pain as my gauge. When my head started to hurt, I took it off. Some days I lasted longer than others.

But through the pain, I also noticed something.

I was hearing.

Sure, half the time I didn't know what I was hearing. And everything sounded like 'bad music' (if I can so blatantly steal a friend's description of her own activation experience) but I was hearing.

And when I could identify what I had heard? Amazing.

Even now, when I look back. . .it's a pretty unbelievable thing.

I had forgotten just how noisy the world is. Not really loud because that first week, everything seemed loud to me. But it was startling to 'remember' just how many things make noise.

Or how 'loud' I am.

Like one morning, I'm making my usual morning Chai Latte and after stirring it, I drop the spoon into the sink like I'd done thousands of times before. Only this time. . .

CLANG!

I thought for sure I'd go deaf again from that noise. Needless to say, I now place utensils quietly into the sink.

Or how when I sat down at this computer as I've done thousands of times before, I suddenly noticed this 'clack-clack-clack' sound. After a few seconds, I realized that was the sound of the keyboard as I typed.

And that dull hum? The space heater I keep near my feet.

During those headache-free periods, I felt like Helen Keller in that scene from The Miracle Worker after she figured out what 'w-a-t-e-r' meant. Then she was going around touching everything she could, and wanting to know what their spelling/meanings were.

The microwave beeps as you key in the time. The toaster oven clicks as it's heating things up and buzzes when it's done.

Even water makes a sound.

It was like discovering. . .or should I say re-discovering. . .a whole new world.

So yeah, my head hurted. But I'd say it was a pretty good trade-off.

Turn Me On

2006-04-25T15:35:00.000-05:00

This will be the last post of the day.

Promise. (Do I hear cries of happiness? I can hear now. .sorta!)

So fast-forward a month. That's how long you have to wait until your CI is activated. Normally. I do know people who have been activated much quicker. But I needed that month. See previous post on how rough my recovery period was.

As 'Activation Day' neared, I alternately felt excited and nervous. And some days I'd even dread it. Lots and lots were going through my (already) chaotic mind. Would it 'work'? What does that mean? What do I expect? What should I expect? Am I expecting too much?

You know how you can have that 'inner dialogue' with yourself? Yeah. Mine can be annoying. So as the day approached, I was just trying to get a handle on it all. Two things did help.

(1) The complete support of family/friends. Whether I'd 'hear' again or not didn't seem to matter so much as I'd be 'OK.' And that kind of unconditional support is invaluable.

(2) Talking to someone who had gone through it. It just happened to work out that someone I had 'known' for a while but had never actually met (I have quite a few 'online friends' who couldn't be more dear to me even though I haven't met some of them and we've been friends for years and years) would be in town and we were able to coordinate our schedules to meet. Having lunch with her and hearing about her activation process was really helpful. She and I also happened to have the same kind of CI. (There are basically two models on the market today. The Advanced Bionics model (which I have) and the Nucleus model. There isn't much variation between the two and people decide on which model to go with for a variety of reasons). It was just great being able to talk and ask my questions and have someone just. . .understand. So asking things like 'what do you hear when they first turn you on' and having someone who actually went through it tell you. . .that's also invaluable. So I thank this person for that. She knows who she is if she's reading this.

So I felt somewhat prepared as I ventured up to Baltimore to be 'turned on.' Family and friends had offered to come with me but I decided to go alone. Not knowing what to expect, I just felt this was better. Plus, since I lost my hearing 'alone' and had to deal/accept that on my own, the possibility of getting that 'back' just felt right being done alone as well. Besides, I was only alone in the physical sense. I knew I had some pretty great support behind me.

The process itself was rather long.

It wasn't like there was a switch and they just turned you on. Ironically enough, the CI I have doesn't have an on/off switch. Something I discovered on my own in a rather painful fashion (keep reading!). First, the processor was hooked up to my audiologist's (who incidentally is amazing) laptop which had all the programs for the CI. Then she had to download the programs (we started with 2) into my processor and then hook my processor up to my implant. So basically I was hooked up to the laptop. Very 21st Century, huh?

Then we had to test the programs which basically consisted of my audiologist asking me if I could feel the programs - which I could.

THEN we turned it on.

And wow. . . .LOUD. I don't know if that's true for everyone but for me, after 17 years of relative silence, having sound suddenly 'piped' into your head is very, very loud.

When I told people about the experience later, I used this description -

The best way I know how to describe it is to say that everything sounds like an out-of-tune radio station that apparently only plays music by The Chipmunks. :) Things sound 'out of focus' and very squeaky.

The thing that freaked me out the most was the sound of my own voice. Because it's the closest thing to my ear it sounded extremely loud to me. And probably because I haven't been able to hear myself for so long, I just talked at a rather loud volume without really noticing. (Modulating my voice in a crowded room is a very persistent problem for me. Usually I talk too loud or too soft since I can't hear the chatter and thus, can't really modulate my voice accordingly.) So yeah. . .didn't really like the sound of my own voice. I think I started speaking at just above a whisper at one point.

Then there was more testing. This time with 'simple' sounds where my audiologist covered her lips and made simple sounds like 'ahh,' 'ooo,' or 'shhh' and I tried to see if I could distinguish it. And apparently I could so while everything (and everyone) sounds like The Chipmunks I could at times distinguish between say Alvin, or Simon. I was also able to pick out really soft sounds which I was told was excellent for the first time.

And that was it. I got a HUGE bag of stuff from Advanced Bionics with all my back up parts and instruction booklets and all of that. It was like buying a car, which I guess it kind of is.

Then I went home. Since I don't drive, I take the MARC train from DC to Baltimore. I was a little nervous about the Penn Station in Baltimore but that surprisingly wasn't too loud and I adjusted fairly easily. What was loud was the Metro station.

Painfully loud.

This is where I learned about the lack of an on/off switch on the CI because there was some high pitched squealing sound and I was fidgeting like mad to turn the CI off. When I realized I couldn't, I ended up yanking it off my head. Still have no idea what that high pitched squealing sound is and not too curious to hear it again to see!

So that's 'activation.' What comes next was quite the experience. Or as I told my best friend, 'no pain, no gain.'

Start at the. . .

2006-04-25T14:58:00.000-05:00

. . .nope. Not the beginning. That's just too predictable. Also? Would be extremely boring. And I'm trying to avoid the 'bore people to death' thing here. We'll see how I do.

Anyway, I'll start. . .middle-ish. Namely, how the whole CI thing came about. And why.

'Cause like I said last post, I've been deaf for 17 years. And doing pretty well. When I say 'deaf' I mean that I could not hear anything. I'm not talking about fine distinctions, or in technical terms like 'decibels level' or anything like that. I'll simplify it and describe my 'hearing' thusly -

The only things I could hear. . .I could also feel, which I think doesn't really count. What does that mean? Well, put it this way. Have you ever sat next to a large speaker and then there's a major percussive beat? And every time the drummer hits that note, not only do you hear that 'BOOM!' you feel it kinda. . .vibrating. . .through you as well? Yeah. That was my level of 'hearing' so I wasn't really sure if I was hearing it so much as I was feeling it. . .which is why I'm not too sure that 'counts' as hearing or not.

So 'ordinary' sounds were well out of my range. And since 17 years is about half my age (do the math!), I've spent much of my life deaf. And handled it pretty well I think. I finished college. . .law school. . .and have begun taking some tentative steps into a new career. So I wouldn't say I needed a CI.

So why'd I get one?

Well, when I lost what was left of my hearing at 17, I was told I was an excellent candidate for it. (Yes, CIs have been around for quite some time but as true with technology, great advances have been made in them since then - and will continue to be made.) But I was 17, about to graduate high school and just had my world changed drastically in the span of a few days. I was a little. . .overwhelmed and the thought of having something implanted into my head wasn't really high up on my 'To Do' list. I needed to adjust. But it was always there in the back of my head.

Did I need 17 years to 'adjust'? Well, I am a procrastinator at heart. . . .

But in all seriousness. . . life happens. And 17 years somehow zoomed by. So when the time and opportunity presented itself, I decided to take it this time. My pre-surgical testing went very well. . .and pretty quick. And before I knew it, I was scheduled for surgery.

The surgery itself went very well. My surgeon did a great job in terms of the incision and sutures. I didn't even have stitches and my scar isn't noticeable at all unless I pull my hair back and show it to you. It's right behind my ear and runs the length of my ear. There was very little pain and after the pressure bandage was removed, whatever pain I felt was easily controlled with regular old Tylenol.

However, I did have a bad reaction to my antibiotics and had to be prescribed another. The second antibiotic wiped me out so my recovery process was much longer. . .and rougher. . .than I had anticipated.

But looking back on that from where I am now, I'd say it was worth it.

That's not to say I'd want to go through all of that again any time soon!

Organized Chaos

2006-04-25T12:15:00.000-05:00

Alrighty.

So this is a blog. Huh.

Kinda intimidating facing a blank screen and flashing cursor. Which is funny, if you know me.

Never 'blogged' before and wasn't intending to but that was before. Before my CI. Before I found myself repeating things over and over. Before I found myself sending the same e-mails to multiple people and realizing that's not exactly a 'safe' thing to do. It's too easy to send the wrong e-mail to the wrong person in this day and age. Not that I have anything (much) to hide.

'CI' would be a cochlear implant. After 17 years of living in (almost) complete silence, I finally decided to get one two months ago. I was activated a little over a month ago and since then, it's been one hell of an experience. I'm actually 'hearing' things for the first time and I'm blessed with quite a few family/friends who want to know what it's like. Which would lead to the aforementioned repeating and sending out the same e-mail to different people.

My sister-in-law mentioned that I should start a blog to chronicle my experiences. But still, I wasn't jumping all over the idea. I don't know why. It was a great idea. I guess I just have this thing where I need to get to something at my own pace. . .even if that pace drives myself or other people crazy. Anyways. I found myself having to keep track of what I'm hearing. . .or not hearing. Because every time I go in for mapping or aural rehabilitation (more on this later), I get asked. So I figured, I should write it down. It'd be a great way to keep track of this life-altering experience. Then my mind went back to the whole 'blogging' idea and realized that if I did that, I could kill two birds with one stone. Keep track of my experiences and share them with others. So here I am.

Since it's been a month since I was activated, I'm gonna have to catch up with things so there'll be a few more posts but for now I guess I should warn those who don't know me well that my writing style is very much like my speaking style. While I'm a very, very organized person, my head's a little. . .chaotic. So I ramble. I digress. I go off on tangents. Sometimes it'll feel like there's no point or that I've lost the point (and sometimes I have!) but there's a method to my madness.

Usually.

You've been warned.